It's happened. What I've been dreading has come to pass. On Friday, things at work became suddenly stressful at just the wrong moment, when I was wearing off. As people started demanding more and more of me and became more and more impatient with my inability to explain the situation clearly, the Parkinson's symptoms became worse and worse, which of course made me less and less coherent. I was shaking uncontrollably, unable to move quickly, almost unable to stand or talk. The guy in charge kept saying things like "that's not a good enough answer", and "that's not acceptable", and I couldn't explain the technical issue I was addressing or the trouble I was having putting words together. There were at least 3 or 4 people firing questions and comments at me simultaneously. It was too much. I started tearing up; I couldn't stop it.
Suddenly, everyone could see my symptoms in all their glory, and became apologetic and embarrassed, offering help and suggestions. I know that everyone meant well, but I don't know which was worse; their obvious downward reassessment of my abilities or their pity.
I can't hide now or pretend that there is nothing wrong. I am now forever "disabled" in the eyes of my colleagues.
I've been crying all weekend, but that has to stop. I just have to figure out how to pick up the pieces and put the puzzle together a different way. I have to go on as long as I can and find a new path and a new direction when this one gives out. When you're walking in the woods, sometimes the path you're on ends and you have to backtrack and find a new way.
That's what I have to do, and that's what I'm going to do.
4 comments:
If you returned to work today, I hope you were able to soldier on with your head held high. Educating others on how to work with a Parkie is part of our job description, I guess. Hope I'm ready when it becomes an open issue at my job.
I did indeed return to work and "soldier on", as you say. I have had another "meltdown" since then, but I am learning to deal with it. If my project manager can't deal with it, maybe I need a new project. :-)
I am not going through this as you all are, but I am watching my father who has been strong his whole life dispute having only one leg, watching him slip. He has these meltdowns and other things that have been going with it. He is in the 2nd stage.
My husband was diagnosed with early onset Parkinson's disease at 57.his symptoms were shuffling of feet,slurred speech, low volume speech, degradation of hand writing, horrible driving skills, right arm held at 45 degree angle, things were tough for me, but now he finally free from the disease with the help of total cure from ULTIMATE LIFE CLINIC, he now walks properly and all symptoms has reversed, he had trouble with balance especially at night, getting into the shower and exiting it is difficult,getting into bed is also another thing he finds impossible.we had to find a better solution for his condition which has really helped him a lot,the biggest helped we had was ultimate life clinic they walked us through the proper steps, this their website www.ultimatelifeclinic.com to anyone who needs help.
Post a Comment